Second Day of Diet--Friday March 27th

232.2 pounds

OK, I woke up feeling better. Not hungry, with decent energy. And it was kind of cool to see the pounds going down. Usually the diets I go on don't see such a drop so quickly.

I followed the same routine with food all day, although I had apples for both fruits. And I still couldn't get through the day without several diet sodas. I really don't want to be taking diet sodas, as I want to be healthy and the crazy chemicals in diet soda are so bad. But I couldn't seem to do it without the soda. I do realize that by actually telling myself I can't do this without diet soda, that I'm actually creating the conditions of needing that soda. But I decided Friday night that soda was OK for now, as I transition in. While I have to be absurdly strict about following the diet part, I can be a little softer on myself about the diet soda.

Anyway, by the afternoon, I was feeling light headed. I had a lot of work on Friday, and three classes to teach, so I needed all the energy I could get. Feeling light headed was not good. Several times I had the sensation that I might actually fall over. This really concerned me, since one of the things I had been told about Releana was that it helped keep your energy and mood up in a way that doesn't normally happen with an extremely low calorie diet.

I also had flashes yesterday of feeling like maybe I was making a mistake. But at the same time, I knew that I had to stay on this for 20 days at least. It could actually harm my body to start and then stop, at least in terms of metabolism. So I just reminded myself that I could do anything for 20 days, and that I was OK. I even took a few minutes to try to visualize my body slimming down. It actually helped. I had a real sensation that my belly was shrinking, and spontaneously, I've had that same sensation pop into my head several times since then.

Seriously, though, by Friday night I was STARVING. I guess that is actually literally true, too. My belly hurt from hunger, and I was having a whole series of diarrhea episodes that were leaving me feeling even more empty and hungry! I canceled my plans for going out, and staying in snuggled up in my recliner with a cozy blanky and I watched TV all evening. I drank glass after glass of water, plus some herbal tea and another diet caffeine-free soda. I kept having to pee, and several times I felt light-headed getting up out of my cozy chair.

At one point, I was talking on the phone to my dearest friend, and he was laughing about my "pregnancy" and I was play-yelling at him for describing the restaurant he was about to go to, and I realized I was able to laugh a lot at my Releana experience, so maybe things weren't so bad after all. I did at one point tell him that I was so hungry I could eat my own arm, and then I looked at my hand, and it did indeed look nice and juicy, and it made me think of a big juicy steak (and I rarely ever eat red meat). My own hand made me think of food! We were laughing and laughing on the phone. It was pretty funny.

When I went to bed last night, I kept having food fantasies. I was fantasizing the steps of preparing nice delicious food. I love to cook, and I rarely have time, so I really enjoy when I do get the chance to cook nice food. But this kind of food fantasy was different. It was so vivid and delicious. And I kept trying to get myself to stop thinking about food, and I would stop, and then as I was drifting off to sleep, I would realize I was going through the preparation of chicken piccata and wake myself up to stop the thoughts. I didn't sleep too well last night.