Sunday, May 3, 2009

Strange and interesting

So I had a real stall. For two weeks, I stayed in a 2-pound range. Mostly I didn't go up or down, except after the apple-day-from-hell. But the two pounds I lost after that day came back, and I stayed right around 215 for two weeks. It was VERY frustrating, and I almost didn't open my third vial of Releana. But I decided to give it more of a chance, so I opened the bottle and still, it took another week before anything changed.

But then on Wed. April 29th, I started to lose again. I've gone down about a pound a day, with this morning's weight being 209.6. It's so strange! I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened. Nothing changed in terms of what I was eating or doing. The only thing different is that I started my period again, but could that be it..? I doubt it, but maybe?

Anyway, now that I'm going down again, this whole thing feels better to be doing. I know it's crazy, because I just lost 25 pounds now, in little more than a month, and it is real weight loss, not the kind that just depletes you and makes you flabby. I feel good, I feel strong, I feel happy, and it isn't too hard to stick on this diet. I wish I hadn't stalled out for so long, but I seem to be right back on pace now. So it's all good. Right?

I have to say I am not feeling quite as cheerleader positive about it as I was before. It really hit me to be following the diet perfectly but not to be getting any results. Not even the results that a person might expect for eating so few calories normally. But maybe now that I'm dropping pounds again, I'll get all my trust back.

I noticed that 215 that I stayed around was a weight at which I have often topped off at. In the past 10 years, that's pretty much been my top weight. So maybe that's kind of a natural plateau for me? Maybe that's why I stuck there for so long? If that's true, then my next last plateau point was about 201 or so, and that used to be a high point for me. Then the next plateau down was 181, and I was there for quite some time. I'd be pretty happy to get there! My body looks pretty good at that weight. But if I have to go through another plateau to get there, it will be a problem. I only have about 2o more days of Releana left, plus I'm timing out of the time I can be on Releana because of that strict "afterwards" month. I'm going to be traveling this summer, and I have to be able to eat fairly normally before I can leave for 6 weeks. So I pretty much have to stop before the end of May so I can have June to do the "after" diet. So....hopefully I don't have another plateau!

It is really (really) good to be losing again though....

Friday, April 24, 2009

Down, and up again (or up and down again)

Well, yesterday I woke up at 216. SO depressing. I did feel better all day long, which was good, but still.

I ran out of my bottle of Releana yesterday, and I seriously considered going off it instead of mixing another bottle. But I decided to give it another chance and mixed up a new bottle. Took the first drops from it last night before bed.

This morning, 214.8. So.....was there something wrong with the old bottle of Releana? (did it get too cold when it was in the freezer box when I drove up to my brother's house?). Or is this the effect of the apple day? Or is this all completely random? It is all very frustrating, but I suppose, as long as I keep going down, it will all be OK. It's hard not to feel like I wasted a week, though. and I have a pretty constant fear that this could stall at any time. I guess we'll see.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I'm back!

After my hard couple of days, and my week-long stall, and my apple-hell, it was pretty great to wake up this morning and be at 214.4. But better than that is the fact that I've been feeling pretty good all day, positive, happy, full of energy, kind of bouncy, and even in those moments when I'm hungry, it doesn't feel bad. It's like the Releana just kicked right back in or something!

Now, I can tell the difference between when Releana is burning that fat, and when it isn't. It really does feel different. Good to know.

The real test for whether I'm back in the game will be tomorrow. If I'm down, then I'll take this as a temporary and unpleasant side-track. If I'm not down, well, then there will be a problem. I mean, I do worry a bit that being down today was a result of all the apples yesterday. But I'm crossing my fingers that this is all real.

And, really, what is real is that I do feel lots better and more happy and kind of balanced, so at the very least, this is good.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hard hard hard

Well, it's really gotten harder in the past few days. It's almost like the Releana has stopped working or something. On Monday, I called my clinic in CA. They said that most people plateau or stall while doing this diet, and that it was probably normal. They suggested the apple day routine as soon as I could do it.

Yesterday, my weight was 215.8 AGAIN, and I was pretty frustrated. I decided I would stop with the diet soda, and so I quit it cold turkey yesterday. I followed everything else perfectly. But all day long yesterday I was so hungry I was in pain. My stomach kept rumbling, I had cramps, I felt crabby and miserable, I almost started to cry spontaneously, and I even woke up in the middle of the night with my muscles around my stomach hurting. It hurt so much the pain woke me up!

And, after that misery, plus the extra misery of no diet soda on Monday, I woke up this morning to find I was 216.6! I gained weight while in physical pain from hunger! I gained almost a pound while on a 500 calorie a day diet! It was deeply horrible, plus I still felt physically bad this morning from my bad day yesterday.

I really wonder if the Releana is working. Maybe my bottle went bad? I have a couple more days of drops on this bottle, but I do wonder a bit. The clinic said that I might be building muscle instead of losing fat (I guess that is what sometimes causes these stalls). But I don't see why I would be building muscle right now. It's not like I'm doing any extra exercise or anything suddenly right now. Plus, that happy gently peaceful feeling that I've had with Releana is gone. And it hurts to be hungry, whereas it didn't hurt once the Releana kicked in when I first started. In fact, things have been so remarkably easy, this is really the first rough patch I've come on. And it sucks!

I did the apple day today. I was worried that no protein all day would make me light headed. I also worried about hunger and about how my energy would hold up. I actually couldn't end up forcing myself to eat another apple, so I only ate 7 instead of 8. I'm really hungry, and my stomach is rumbling. And it hurts. Plus I've had some diarrhea today too. The thought of apples makes me feel sick. YUCK. I used to like apples, but really, I may have had enough today! I did actually make it through the day OK, and I was thinking clearly enough, so that's good. (Hopefully, that's the Releana kicking back in!).

I really hope this works, and I go back to losing tomorrow. It's been frustrating, and now painful, to be doing this diet and not to be losing. I know I shouldn't complain about 20 pounds in less than a month, but still, it was working so wonderfully that this stall seems to be bigger than maybe it is. I hope the apple day worked! I have to admit, I've had several points today where I thought that if the apple day didn't work, I would have to quit. I mean, I can't go on like this forever, it's too debilitating! Plus, I'm so hungry right now I would really like to eat a good piece of pizza!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A Frustrating Sunday

So my fears on weight loss were justified. I weighed in this morning at 215.6, only 0.2 down from where I was on Wednesday. I was really unhappy about it this morning. It just seemed ridiculously unfair to have been SO faithful to the diet and to get nothing out of it. I have to remind myself that 20 pounds is a pretty good thing. But still.

I decided to read some of the online message boards to see if I could get an idea of what might be going on. I read that when people stall, which apparently happens to everyone, they should go on an apple day diet. The apple day is a smaller amount of water and 6 apples total all day long. That sounds a little scary to me, but at the same time, I'm feeling pretty desperate to break out of this plateau. The message boards said it is pretty typical to lose between 2-3 pounds the next day, and to be back on track.

Of course, the other thing people were saying is that the pounds don't matter and that even when stalling, the inches keep coming off. I haven't been tracking that. But now I wish I had been all along. I can't say that I've noticed getting smaller in the past few days, but hopefully I have been.

I have the first day of class for a new semester tomorrow (and three hour classes every day for the next six weeks!). I don't know if I can handle the apple day and still make it through.

I guess, though, when I really think about it, each time I'm worried about energy (mental or physical) while on this diet, it turns out never to be an issue. So maybe I can do it? I think I'll wait until Tuesday, though, just to be sure I can make it through the first day of class...

The other sad sad thing I read on the message boards was that diet soda is bad bad bad. I sometimes feel like I'm making it through my day with diet soda. I really don't know how I could do this without it. Plus, I seem to be losing the weight, and feeling good, and looking good, so perhaps the diet soda isn't hurting this diet?

In any case, perhaps I'll try to cut back tomorrow. Tea only. And maybe that will help with this stall....?

I guess I'll find out.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Saturday, back from my brother's house

I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday morning, and I'm a little nervous about doing it tomorrow morning! My worry is that I didn't lose while I was gone, even though I was completely faithful to the diet, and even better on the timing of eating. I don't know why I'm so worried, but it feels kind of intense. It doesn't help that I "cheat-weighed" myself when I got home this afternoon; I was fully dressed, and the scale showed 220! It was incredibly depressing, and I started to try to guess how much each article of clothing weighed. I had to put the breaks on that pretty quickly, but it's left me with a kind of suspenseful worried feeling. I wish I had brought my scale with me to my brother's house! (I had assumed they would have one, but I didn't realize how much unpacking they still have to do after the move).

The good news is that I was open about my crazy diet with my brother and my SIL. I told them about Releana, and trying to reset my metabolism, and I told them a bit about what I was (and wasn't eating). It was a big moment for me, to be so open, and I was afraid they would ask a lot of questions or be a little judgmental about me using some kind of drug to help lose weight. I was always pretty private when I dieted. Secretive might be a better word. Anyway, it was no big deal to them, it seemed like. It was a quick conversation, and we were on to something else. I had packed all my food in little containers before I left home, and the biggest issue was trying to make room for them all the fridge when I arrived. It helped, I think, that they are a household when everyone eats whenever they feel like it. Even though they have a lovely new dining room, I don't think I've ever seen them sit down at a table together and eat, except at holidays. So I could just eat on my schedule, on my own, and it wasn't too weird. And I introduced my SIL to diet cherry Dr. Pepper, which is the best diet soda out there...

It turns out I did have a lot of energy for helping with unpacking, and we got a lot done. We probably got through 30 boxes, and we sorted everything, put a lot of stuff away, and broke the boxes down and cleaned it all up. It felt good, and it wasn't even my stuff. I had been a bit worried about whether my energy would hold up, given my low calorie count, but I felt like I had a lot of energy. I even chose to walk up to the hardware store about a mile away instead of driving when I ran out to get more garbage bags. It was a lovely day out, a sunny spring day, and I just felt like walking. When I got back, I realized what a good sign it was!

I had a weird dream while I was there. I dreamed about eating wonderful lovely food. Not gluttony, not binging, but just eating whatever I wanted from a table full of beautiful food. In my dream, I was really happy, and the colors and tones were all golden, like I was in a beautiful room or mansion maybe. I knew in the dream that I was on Releana, but I had somehow been given permission to eat what I want, and it wouldn't be a problem. I was kind of just picking bits and pieces, and it was so good, and I was talking with someone and having a great time (I don't remember who I was talking with, but he was eating too). It was a nice dream, but I think it is pretty darn funny that I'm pretty much starving myself and I'm to the point of literally dreaming about food! (I don't recall ever dreaming about food in any way before in my life, I can tell you that!).

OK, it's late and I better get to bed. Dreams of food?

Hopefully, tomorrow, I wake up with a good weight!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wednesday, Darn that Beef!

215.8 this morning, representing zero loss in the past day. Disappointing. Since I ate beef yesterday, I'm thinking that might be the culprit. No more beef for me with Releana!

I'm about to get spend 3 days with my brother and my sister-in-law. They just moved to a new house and I want to help them unpack and move in, but I'm a little worried about energy. The thing is, I feel pretty energetic, but it's hard to imagine doing heavy lifting and unpacking and such while eating so little. Not to mention that it's a 3 hour drive in each direction. I guess I can only just do what I can.

The thing I'm more worried about is how my strange eating is going to go over. I hadn't told my SIL anything about this diet, and I have been worrying about what I was going to say to her. I was also worried about how I was going to deal with food while I was there. I finally decided to tell her this afternoon (I leave tonight). I didn't actually tell her about Releana, but I did tell her I was on a "crazy diet" to reset my metabolism. I think she's done enough crazy dieting not to think it was too strange. The problem was, before I talked to her, I still hadn't decided about what I was going to do about food. So then we had a long awkward conversation about food, where she offered to get food for me, and I said I'd go shopping and get it myself, and she said oh no, she insisted on getting food, and I starting thinking about how I was going to weigh it while I was there, and how uptight I was going to have to be, and it was just ugly. I finally decided that I would pack out my food for the next three days, and bring in up in little meal packs so all I have to do is open one up and eat. I can do that on my own schedule (as long as I can keep them all in their fridge). I'm thinking that maybe the meals for Saturday might not be so fresh, but as long as they aren't spoiled, I'll be OK. Plus, it's not like they live in the backwoods. I can go shopping if I need to. I'm sure I'll end up telling my SIL all about this, too, or maybe not, because just typing those words made me feel a little awkward.

Releana sure works, but the real strictness of it makes it incredibly hard to manage in public. Especially if you don't want your business being so out there in public!