I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday morning, and I'm a little nervous about doing it tomorrow morning! My worry is that I didn't lose while I was gone, even though I was completely faithful to the diet, and even better on the timing of eating. I don't know why I'm so worried, but it feels kind of intense. It doesn't help that I "cheat-weighed" myself when I got home this afternoon; I was fully dressed, and the scale showed 220! It was incredibly depressing, and I started to try to guess how much each article of clothing weighed. I had to put the breaks on that pretty quickly, but it's left me with a kind of suspenseful worried feeling. I wish I had brought my scale with me to my brother's house! (I had assumed they would have one, but I didn't realize how much unpacking they still have to do after the move).
The good news is that I was open about my crazy diet with my brother and my SIL. I told them about Releana, and trying to reset my metabolism, and I told them a bit about what I was (and wasn't eating). It was a big moment for me, to be so open, and I was afraid they would ask a lot of questions or be a little judgmental about me using some kind of drug to help lose weight. I was always pretty private when I dieted. Secretive might be a better word. Anyway, it was no big deal to them, it seemed like. It was a quick conversation, and we were on to something else. I had packed all my food in little containers before I left home, and the biggest issue was trying to make room for them all the fridge when I arrived. It helped, I think, that they are a household when everyone eats whenever they feel like it. Even though they have a lovely new dining room, I don't think I've ever seen them sit down at a table together and eat, except at holidays. So I could just eat on my schedule, on my own, and it wasn't too weird. And I introduced my SIL to diet cherry Dr. Pepper, which is the best diet soda out there...
It turns out I did have a lot of energy for helping with unpacking, and we got a lot done. We probably got through 30 boxes, and we sorted everything, put a lot of stuff away, and broke the boxes down and cleaned it all up. It felt good, and it wasn't even my stuff. I had been a bit worried about whether my energy would hold up, given my low calorie count, but I felt like I had a lot of energy. I even chose to walk up to the hardware store about a mile away instead of driving when I ran out to get more garbage bags. It was a lovely day out, a sunny spring day, and I just felt like walking. When I got back, I realized what a good sign it was!
I had a weird dream while I was there. I dreamed about eating wonderful lovely food. Not gluttony, not binging, but just eating whatever I wanted from a table full of beautiful food. In my dream, I was really happy, and the colors and tones were all golden, like I was in a beautiful room or mansion maybe. I knew in the dream that I was on Releana, but I had somehow been given permission to eat what I want, and it wouldn't be a problem. I was kind of just picking bits and pieces, and it was so good, and I was talking with someone and having a great time (I don't remember who I was talking with, but he was eating too). It was a nice dream, but I think it is pretty darn funny that I'm pretty much starving myself and I'm to the point of literally dreaming about food! (I don't recall ever dreaming about food in any way before in my life, I can tell you that!).
OK, it's late and I better get to bed. Dreams of food?
Hopefully, tomorrow, I wake up with a good weight!
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